In my feelings

Go head and stay on bullshit

i could match your energy but i dont wanna cause

id have to lower where I stand in order for us to play the same game

you want your cake and wanna eat it to

shit i give my cake to you

never enough and never satisfied

but that dont stop me, i still try

I dont know what i do so wrong

i try to look out in the ways you might need

you act like im analyzing where you’re at and i am

But its only to see what i can put into the situation without being asked to

maybe its cause its not my place to

maybe im resented because the one that should be there can’t be or wont be.

I’m not sure cause i never get an answer , can’t ever ask a question

looking out for someone else also puts me on me feet but it just depends on which direction its going

its literally so fucked up to be the girl that no one wants. I have flaws and I get that but wtf is it about me?

i even switched up the way i go about shit or the things i do or say, didn’t matter

i still got the same results. I’m the girl that you can fuck and apparently use until the banks dry or until you’re bored.

Maybe it’s cause im not a porn star in bed. Haha that shit gets me every time. How the fuck am i supposed to be experienced in anyway?

You know someone asked me what i like in bed the other day and i had to say that I didn’t know. I know what feels good in my mind and my energy and i know what I like when he does certain things but this guy is completely different person, am i supposed to like the same thing from everybody. I’d thought that each person would have their own whatever you wanna call it.

It makes me really sad because i feel like that energy I felt in the beginning is not there anymore and it hurts because for once I had felt something with someone. I was telling my friend and asking her do you know what a surge of energy or something feels like. I can’t even put it it to words but i know it’s gone now. Like i dont feel it as much, like ever actually. I never really pursued men that I liked i was always shy but ones that weren’t as intimidating I would do stuff around them that might make them wanna fuck. But actually someone that i like or love its hard ! I guess that’s the fear of rejection. And unfortunately i get rejected a lot. I came onto Steven and got rejected and then onto jr. he makes me feel like sex with me is just a chore or something. And the fucked up part about it is that I literally will wake up out of my sleep and suck his dick if he wanted me to.

well im getting to the point were i wanna give up on him. He doesn’t seem to value me and it’s probably because he got a girl and that might be his queen so what am i then? I’ve never ever been a side chick. The things that make it hard for me to tell him to go away is that rush that I felt. I’ve only ever experienced it with like two people so i think it has special meaning. I believe that there’s supposed to be somethin special between us. I dont want to back away and end up losing it. I don’t know im so confused. Like what does he want from me.. just a place to crash? I need to figure it out cause im not going t o risk losing my housing because he needs somewhere to go in and out of. Now if there was something special happening then of course id do everything in my power to help.